Weevils Wobble but They Won't Fall Down...

There are some things you're supposed to keep to yourself. These are the kinds of things I accidentally tell my husband after a couple of minutes, my Mom after an hour, my sister in law and close friends after a good snack and... post on my blog after a good night's rest. Don't get me wrong, if approached in confidence, your secret will die with me... I am a lock box with your deepest darkest... It's with my own that I struggle!! It's right about now that Michael is reading along thinking 'Don't do it sweetheart! Whatever it is... go write about it in your journal! You can do it! Seal those lips/fingers! Spare yourself!'

Sorry honey - no. can. do.

Last week I decided that there were far too many things in my cupboard that had been there for far too long. I made a list of them and created my two week menu around my goal to get rid of as many of them as possible... They were mostly items like: lentils, large pasta shells, obscene amounts of brown rice, etc. Things you feel guilty building a meal around because they are in blatant disobedience of your commitment to cut back on carbs. Either way, the menu was made and the mission was on. Saturday I went on a date with Winco (my new favorite store even though you have to pay with cash, check or debit and we do everything else through Discover - don't judge me, we love rewards).

As Sunday afternoon came and went my sweet husband's stomach started to growl and I jumped to it in the kitchen to whip up some delicious sounding stuffed shells. As the water boiled I prepared the stuff part of the stuffed shells and smiled as I added fresh herbs. Before I knew it the water was ready and the stuff was perfect. I opened up the box of shells to add them to the rolling boil and... WEEVILS!!!!!!! I don't know about you but some things just really know how to grab a hold of my gag reflex and the thought of WEEVILS in my PERFECT Sunday meal had me instantly doubled over in dry heaves (a little dramatic but stick with me here). Before alarming the troops (I wanted Michael to be impressed with the meal/me) I gathered my composure and went back to the cupboard to see what alternatives there were to my large shells... I had planned a whole two weeks around my carbs - there HAD to be SOMETHING else, right?? Well, there was more that someTHING... it was more like some(2,000)THINGS! I started opening all of our boxes. The lasagne, the rice, the pancake mix, the medium shells, the oatmeal, the cake mix, AND... THE WHEAT FLOUR I HAD USED TO MAKE OUR BRAN MUFFINS FOR BREAKFAST THAT MORNING!! (Insert lots more dry heaving here)

As the garbage-filling frenzy began the troops were officially called in to report. Michael saved the day (laughed hysterically as made guesses as to the number of weevils I had consumed in the muffins) as he terminated the nasty little wigglers. I don't think I have ever been so disgusted in my whole life... not only did I have to throw away all of my pantry food or terminate millions of nasty little bugs but I PROBABLY ATE THEM IN LARGE QUANTITIES!!!! Definitely not in line with the whole vegetarian thing!! So SO SOOOO gross.

The important part... Please do keep in mind that if you are invited over for dinner in the next few weeks that you should feel especially catered to. Not only will your food be weevil-free but it will also be fresh off of the supermarket shelf.


Probably should've kept it to myself...