Elle Louise was born at 2:36 on April 10th. She weighed 8lb 11oz and was around 20 inches long. This is how she got here, through the eyes of Mom:
My pregnancy with Elle was a dream come true. I enjoyed my time with Cannon as the days flew by and I never felt
overly inhibited by my growing belly or pregnancy symptoms. As her due date grew close I felt
almost too good to be full term.
It seemed like my head and my heart were ready for the baby to arrive
but that my body was perfectly satisfied with eternal pregnancy. When I showed up to my 40-week
appointment I was still not dilated or effaced and the baby had not dropped at
all. I went back home to my family
and an anxious grandmother with no new news and even though I was excited to
meet my daughter, I felt no rush to force her here with a scheduled c-section.
The next week I went to my 41-week appointment
prepared. My mom and I had taken a
4.5 mile walk that morning and Michael had done everything he could to move the
baby along as well. I prayed that
I would at least be dilated to 1cm so that Doctor Lamonica would be able to
help the baby along in some way. I
jumped for joy (read shrieked in pain) when the doctor said I had dilated to
2cm and that he was able to hopefully jumpstart labor by stretching my
cervix. I called Michael crying
tears of joy with the hope that this news would allow my body to go into labor
naturally and that we would not have to have a repeat c-section since the first
surgery was so emotionally and physically draining for both Michael and I.
The rest of the day I was uncomfortable. I felt crampy due to the forced
dilation from earlier and was low on energy. Around 10pm I went to bed and my contractions started
shortly afterward. At first I
didn’t realize what was happening and fell back to sleep between them. When they started to quickly get closer
together I texted my dad to tell him what was happening. I thought it would be fun for him to be
the first to know even though he could not be around. After I was sure and the contractions were between 3 and 5
mins apart I called Michael on the phone and he came upstairs, seeming to
already know what was going on. We
finished packing our bags, woke my mom, and called my good friend Kori Haring
to come sleep over and take care of Cannon. By the time we left the house about 30 minutes later my
contractions were 1-3 minutes apart and excruciatingly painful. Getting our bags packed seemed so
slow-going with my need to stop everything with each contraction. I don’t remember much about the drive
but that Michael was willing to stop in the middle of the road whenever another
contraction came so that we weren’t bumping over potholes as we drove. My mom followed behind us in Michael’s
car so that she would have a way to get back to Cannon as soon as possible.
When we got to the hospital we were greeted warmly and told
where to go. When we got to the
doors of labor and delivery there was nobody at the desk and we had to stand in
the hallway and wait for what seemed like forever until a cleaning lady saw
what was happening and took us through a back hallway. I wished I could have thanked her but
was too focused on getting through the contractions as they inched closer
together. We checked in and were
admitted to a triage room where I was checked and said to be dilated to 5cm,
90% effaced and the baby had dropped!
We felt like this was some sort of miracle because when we labored with
Cannon he was never able to descend into my birth canal at all. We were all thrilled, though I had
never been in so much pain before in my life. At this point my contractions were coming rapidly and it was
getting hard for me to do anything but breathe while they were present.
Our goal with this labor process was to do things as
naturally as was medically recommended until I was dilated to at least a 7, to
allow the baby to drop as much as possible. The problem with Cannon was that he was faced sideways in
the birth canal, creating the problem with his dissension. We felt like the extra medications that
I had during my labor with him were a large reason that his descent was nonexistent
and led to a c-section. We knew
that the success rate of VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean) was about 50% and
I felt like as long as I did everything that I could to prevent a repeat
c-section, I would walk away with confidence no matter the actual outcome.
As my contractions got more and more intense I could do
nothing but breathe and hum loudly to help myself focus. Most of the contractions were endured
standing up in a bear hug position around Michael’s neck, swaying from side to
side to try and move the baby down and distribute the pain more evenly. We tried other positions to try and
give Michael some relief from my pulling on him but nothing else was tolerable
and I needed his closeness for strength, though I kept thinking of how I must
be tiring him so quickly. I did
not have any medication at this point and could feel my body taking the
necessary steps to deliver my little girl. I was checked again and had progressed to 7cm. This was great progress but still not
enough to give in to the overwhelming urge I had to push through my
contractions, which were now coming 2 and 3 at a time before any relief. When the doctor came and checked me a
third time I had dilated to 8.5cm and the baby had dropped to a -2 station (-3
is crowning). At this time I felt
that I had endured enough unmedicated pain and that we had accomplished our
goal of allowing my body to labor naturally in order to help the baby
descend. When offered the epidural
at this point (during a contraction) I did not hesitate to accept it.
The contractions that followed the acceptance of the
medication seemed to be the most brutal because I was no longer mentally
committed to enduring the pain. I
was so grateful to have my mom, my doula Angel, and Michael all there to
support me. My mom was soft,
respectful and so helpful as she stayed close, kept people updated on our
progress, kept tabs on Cannon and got me anything I needed. Angel was proactive and considerate,
giving me options and ideas that would help make me the most comfortable
throughout the laboring process.
Michael was my rock. When I
think of labor with this baby I see the dark backs of my eyelids and I feel
Michael all around me. He
supported me physically as we rocked through each contraction and he somehow
filled all of my senses with the exact love and strength that I was reaching
for. He was my teammate, my
helpmeet, and I literally felt that with his touch, he took some of my pain
upon himself.
When the anesthesiologist arrived my mom and Angel were
asked to leave the room and Michael sat in front of me so that he couldn’t see
the needle. I remembered the
epidural process well and was not afraid.
After it was placed, relief was almost immediate and I opened my eyes
for what truly felt like the first time since entering that room. I could breathe! I could smile! I even seemed to have a sense of
humor! When my mom and Angel came
back into the room their eyes opened like saucers with my change in
appearance. I saw Angel for the
first time and was pleased to match her soothing voice with her pretty curly
hair. It was around this time that
I was able to notice secondary discomforts. My stomach was growling and my hair was in my face. And why did I have socks on still? Everyone in the room seemed to skip
around with the relief the epidural had given. Michael took off my socks, my mom brought me Jell-o and
Angel braided my hair, making me somehow feel beautiful.
Sensing my exhaustion at this point, the nurse told me to
rest and I fell asleep for what felt like days. The doctor returned, woke me, and told us I was ready to
push. With the next contraction I
started with conviction, asking for direction and trying to implement it. I was lucky that the epidural took the
pain away but left me able to feel and move enough to get into several
different pushing positions. I was
determined. When the nurses didn’t
notice my contractions, I pushed anyway.
I tried to get as many pushes in as possible during each contraction,
stopping only when advised to for the baby’s safety. I was having 2-4 contractions without breaks at this point
and was exhausted but felt lucky to have more opportunities to try. The doctor came in after I had pushed
for an hour and told me I had 90 minutes to get the baby out or she was going
to recommend a repeat c-section. I
looked at the clock and noted the time.
I felt like this was the motivation I needed to force me to push harder;
so I did. I was focused and
somehow didn’t care who was there, how I looked or what I had to do to get her
out. Unfortunately, the Jell-o
actually ended up giving me a terrible reflux and I was not able to push
without tasting Jell-o flavored stomach acid. I threw most of it up at some point but the effects never
went away, though it did not get in the way of being able to push.
Ninety minutes passed and the doctor came back. I said a silent prayer that we had
progressed. She looked up at me
with disappointment on her face and my heart locked in place. It was ok. I had done absolutely everything I could do. Michael asked the staff and our family
to leave and he started to cry. He
had been so strong and had guided me so well; we had done it all together and I
knew he was crying for me. I held
him as best I could and tried to transfer my confidence to him so that he could
know that I would be all right. We
said a prayer and seemed to decide together that we could face the upcoming
surgery with confidence and courage.
Everyone came back in and we prepared for the c-section, this time with
a sense of accomplishment rather than despair.
Michael and I both talked to the anesthesiologist and asked
him to take special care with my medication since I had not been properly
numbed during my previous c-section.
He tested me several times and was amazed at how long I was able to feel
his touch and how long I was able to move my legs. He called in the hospital’s head anesthesiologist for
advice. I am so grateful he was
attentive to my needs and my body.
My chest was wrapped in a heated blanket to keep me warm in the cold
operating room and Michael came to join me with a smile on his face. Though seemingly impossible, we enjoyed
this time together. We talked
about our baby girl, knowing she would be with us in minutes, no more wondering
when. We joked and smiled and
bonded. The surgery had been going
on for some time when I felt a familiar tug and told Michael that she was being
pulled out. I could hardly wait to
hear her cry. It was low and raspy
but sweet and strong. The doctor
cut her chord and brought her around the curtain for a quick look before they
scrubbed her clean. We cried and
marveled at the few things we had been able to notice in that quick look. She looked so much like Cannon! They handed her to Michael and he
brought her to my face for kisses.
We were able to hold her for a long time and I felt a bond form that my
heart has only known with my own mother.
It was an instant maternal bond with another woman, this one straight
from heaven, waiting for my love and guidance. I knew we would be friends forever.
After she was whisked away, my surgery continued for what
seemed like a very long time. As
it turned out, I had badly lacerated my uterus from the intense pushing done in
labor and it required major repair on top of the closing of the incisions. This also caused excessive bleeding,
which irritated my internal organs.
Eventually I was taken to a recovery room where I got to actually hold
my baby for the first time. Michael
brought her to me and my mom and Angel were able to come see us. Everyone fell quickly in love with this
sweet little spirit, fresh from heaven and with a very soothing aura.
The doctor came and visited with me, letting me know the
details of how my surgery had gone to prepare me for a bit of a rough
recovery. She also let me know
that if we have a third baby, I needed to just schedule a c-section to keep
everyone safe.
We spent the next several days with our baby girl, getting
to know her and introducing her to important people. Cannon met her just hours after her birth and fell instantly
in love with her. He knew it was
his baby “this-ter” and kissed her fuzzy little dark-haired head. He was weary to come close to me in the
hospital because he didn’t like that I was hurt. The only time he would even touch me was for a goodbye
kiss. In a way it broke my heart,
but it showed me what a tender boy he really is.
After meeting our baby we narrowed our list of 20+ names
down to 10: Alexis, Aspen, Autumn, Cora, Eliza, Elle, Erin, Robin, Summer and
Sutton. As time went on we
eliminated the contenders down to Autumn, Elle, Erin and Summer. Then eventually landed on either Erin
or Elle. Knowing we wanted to use
Louise as her middle name to honor her Great Grandmother Louise Murdock and
Great Grandmother Louise Lee we didn’t know what to do. We both felt that Elle was the right
name for her but weren’t sure if we wanted her name to flow like Elouise. We went back and forth about settling
on Erin or maybe calling her Louise Elle and using her middle name but could
not feel comfortable with these options.
After much discussion we took a step back and realized that Elouise was
a beautiful name and that we didn’t mind if that was how it flowed, as long as
her first given name was Elle and that her middle name was Louise.
Her name flowed easily off of our tongues and we were able
to bond with her even further since we had a name to call her by. I am grateful for a daughter, and for
Elle in particular. She has already shown how sweet and peaceful she will be
throughout her life. Our little
family is so blessed to have her here.
And here is Dad's version:
Having a baby for a second time is simultaneously more
nerve-wracking and more exciting. This time around I knew what I was getting
myself into, both the good, and the not so good.
My strong and beautiful Brit decided to courageously bring
this baby into the world the way that God intended, naturally. Though that is
how it is “supposed” to work, sometimes it’s just not possible, and I’m indeed
truly grateful for the skilled and brilliant doctors who have given my family 2
beautiful and healthy children.
Since Brit decided to try for a VBAC, we had the fun/intense
task of waiting to see when this little girl of ours wanted to come out. Having
expected a similar experience to Cannon, I fully intended this baby to come
exactly 1 day after it’s due date. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Brit’s mom
had planned her trip with a similar expectation. The waiting game was a fun one
but it gave us extra time to spend with our boy Cannon before he permanently
shed his “only-child” mantle and took on the role of Big Brother. It was good
for Grandma Taufer (aka “gee-ma”) to have this extra time too because Cannon
was able to grow very comfortable with her which would prove invaluable during
Brit and I’s absence from home over the next week.
Well after a week of waiting past the due date our little
girl finally decided it was time to meet her mom, dad and brother. Just like
with Cannon, she wanted to deprive her parents of as much sleep as possible by
starting labor just as mom laid down to go to bed for the night. Luckily our
dear friend (& neighbor) Kori Haring was more than happy to come spend the
night at our house and take care of our little boy while mom and dad left for
the hospital with Cheryl there for support.
I was downstairs about to start a TV show when Brit called
me from bed to inform me that it was time. I was so much more excited this time
for everything to happen. I’m certain it was because I was less ignorant as to
what was to come. I knew that we were going to have another little Cannon, only
this time it would be a baby girl.
We arrived at the hospital, driving 0.03 mph over any speed
bumps. Whoever thought it was a good idea to install speed bumps in the
hospital parking lot must have never driven a laboring wife over a rough road.
Quickly after arrival we knew this was no false alarm and Brit was quickly
admitted.
To say I was proud of my Brittany would be the
understatement of my lifetime. She was so strong as contraction after
contraction hit her like a relentless wave of pain. I could feel her agony in
my heart as I watched her cringe and double over as her body did everything it
could to force this human being out.
We wanted to do everything we possibly could to deliver this
baby naturally and so we decided this time we would avoid pain meds as long as
possible and that we’d hire a duela to guide us on this journey. That duela was
and angel named Angel. It’s hard to invite a complete stranger to be a part of
a memory that will be with you forever. We quickly learned that her presence
would be a forever welcome addition to our eternal story of Elle’s birth.
Labor was intense and I wish so bad that there was more I
could do to help. I’m so grateful that Angel suggested that Brit lean on me as
if we were slow dancing. Being able to be that close to her and to help support
her was such a beautiful moment I will always cherish. She was doing great, but
there was still a long ways to go. Brit wanted to dilate to a 7 before taking
and pain meds, and at an 8 ½ she finally gave in. She kicked her goal’s but and
I will never forget that. It took every ounce of strength she had to make it
that far. She is truly amazing. Perhaps the funniest part of the delivery was
when her pain meds finally kicked in. It was not because she was loopy in any
way, but really the opposite, she was finally herself for the first time since
getting to the hospital. The nurses and Angel had no idea who this bright eyed,
optimistic smiling beauty was. She definitely was not the same person who had
been fighting through the pain for the past 3 hours. Needless to say, everyone
was happy that Brit was no longer suffering.
Hours went by, Brit finally got to a 10 after getting a
little rest in, and it was time to push. The good news was that unlike Cannon,
this little girl had actually descended. Not much, but she was at least
engaged. Brit pushed for hours. Trying so hard to get the baby out. Fortunately
this time her epidural was strong enough to lessen the pain but not so strong
that her legs were noodles (with Cannon Brit could not even move her legs due
to numbness). This allowed for her to push in varying positions. Thankfully
Angel could help coach Brit and give us options to try and make things move
along.
Again, slowly and painfully, we realized that we weren’t
going to see our baby enter the world naturally. The sting of this realization
was infinitely less painful than the first time, really just because we had
experienced it before. We asked everyone to leave the room to talk it over and
for the first time I broke down. I had seen the strength and the efforts of my
wife and I did not want those to be in vain. Her efforts proved to us that we
had done everything and with a calm resolve she knew it was time to see our
baby. Her growth in this moment from 2 years ago is indescribable and I knew in
that moment that this was going to be the greatest mother this little girl
could ever ask for.
We had voiced our concern about repeating a traumatic
c-section like we experienced with Cannon and I’m so glad we had said
something. Everyone was extra cautious to make sure that Brit was comfortable
and that she was ready for each of the steps for this massive surgery. Brit was
amazing, stunning, beautiful, strong and just glowing as she calmly waited to
hear the first cries of our baby girl.
I sat as close as possible to Brit and while holding her
head/shoulder we heard together our little baby take her first breadth. I
peeked around to see the most precious little baby girl. I could instantly see
she looked exactly like her brother when he was a baby and she had beautiful
dark hair. Her skin was so dark compared to Cannon and luckily her head wasn’t
as temporarily deformed from attempted delivery like Cannon’s had been. When
Cannon came out all I could see was Kim, Brit’s dad. When our second child was
born all I could see was our first. It was a beautiful thing to see our
children share so much so early.
We held and kissed our baby close and this time we
understood what it all meant. We could imagine her first steps, her first
words, the happiness and the struggles that awaited our now larger family. In
that moment I could not be more excited nor could I have felt more blessed. I’m
so grateful to God and His plan that allows us not only to create such
beautiful life, but also to be able to be connected for forever.
Like with Cannon we wanted to wait until we had met her to
name her. We knew we wanted to use Louise as her middle name to name her after
her two amazing Great Grandmothers; Great Grandma Murdock and Great Grandma
Lee. We had a list of about 20 names for her first given name to choose from.
We quickly narrowed it down to about 8, some of the finalists were Sutton,
Autumn, Alexis, Blake and a few others. Finally it came down to Erin and Elle.
Of course we chose Elle and I’m so glad we did. It is a beautiful and tender
name. She has been the most amazing baby and such a delight.
That night Cannon came to meet his little sister and he could not have been more amazing. He
was tender and soft and quickly recognized that this was the “baby th-Isth-Ter”
we had been telling him about. He gave her a gently rub on her head and then
leaned in to kiss her. It was beautiful and the beginning of an amazing
relationship that I am excited to see every step of.
Brit had an almost palpable bond to this little girl that I
did not see as much with Cannon. I could tell that Brit and Elle had a special
bond that I can only imagine will be comparable to the unmatched strength of
Brit’s bond to her mother. Cheryl was such a great support and I’m glad she was
there for her daughter.
Anyone with children knows that words can’t describe the joy
I experienced watching this girl come to this earth. I love her so much already
and she barely knows I exist. I hope I can be the best dad possible and raise
this girl to be a beautiful woman just like her mom. I thank the Lord for this
beautiful gift of life and for a wonderful wife who was so courageous in
bringing Elle Louise Murdock to be a part of this little Murdock family.
