The Girl is Seven Months Old!!

elle louise, seven months

 

Sweet Little Elles Bells,

Welcome to being seven months old!  You are a bright shining girl with lots of love to give!  You still have blue eyes, dirty blonde hair, and a nice pigment to your skin.  Your gummy smile is full of drool and you always seem to have something in your mouth (causing you to chunk up quite nicely!).  Lately that something has been a bit more exciting, as we started teaching you how to eat with a spoon this past week!  You have been getting solids for about a month now, but I have just been putting your food in your bottle to avoid the mess.  Now that you seem a little more hungry, the spoon has made its way into our routine.

Thanks to daylight savings you typically wake up around 5:30/6am, drink a 4oz bottle, play for a bit, drink an 8oz bottle with veggies in it, then take a two hour nap 8-10am.  We play for a couple of hours then you take an 8oz bottle with fruit in it and go back down from 12-2ish.  When you wake up from your afternoon nap we practice eating with the spoon (which is fun but thus far, unsuccessful) and play until your 4pm bottle of 6oz and some baby oatmeal.  You are always starving at 4 but you often resist this bottle so I'm hoping that it will be replaced by baby food shortly.  At 7pm you have another 8oz bottle with baby oatmeal and head to sleep for the night.  You and Cannon are finally sharing a room consistently and I think you both love it!  You are people person and if you cry at night, hearing Cannon's voice seems to calm you right down.  When you both wake up in the morning Cannon is always thrilled to see you there in your crib.  It is the beginning to a wonderful friendship, I can tell already.  You two make each other laugh harder than anyone else can (except Daddy - he is a magnet of children's laughter).

Your friendship has also reached the corners of my heart as you have made it very clear lately that we are not to be apart.  You cry when I leave a room and will wait patiently, staring at the door, for me to return.  You are friendly to everyone but seem to settle right down when you are back in your rightful place in my arms.  As much as I should probably be teaching you to be fine on your own, I love knowing that I am your home base.  We, my dear, are from the same mold.  I understand you and you understand me.  When you are sad, empathy comes easily from me because it all seems to make sense.  You are not dramatic and are easily satisfied and I appreciate that.

You have come to a familiar level of frustration, now being seven months old.  You will wiggle and wriggle all over the floor, just aching to crawl, but you haven't figured it out yet.  You use your arms to push yourself backward but can't seem to grasp using your legs or how to move forward.  I hope that it clicks for you soon because I can see just how cramped you feel being stuck in one place.  Your alternative to crawling has been to revert back to your primate tendencies that we have previously seen in your climbing my arms when trying to steal food from my hands.  You are now pushing toward anything sturdy with your little backwards push/forward hop-scoot and doing your best to pull yourself up.  Just the other day I set you down about 4 feet away from me while I sat in a chair.  Next thing I knew you were literally climbing up my leg - it was bizarre!  When there's an Elle there's a way I guess (har har).

Baby Bells, I love you dearly.  You are a squishy little ball of joy.  Thank you for making our home such a happier place.

So Much Love,

Mama

Cannon is two and a half!

This was written just as he turned 2 1/2 but posted late... 

cannon michael, 2 1/2

My Cannon,

How do I capture this phase in words??  You have grown up SO much in the past six months it is truly unbelievable.  Your personality is vibrant and exciting.  Life through your eyes is fast paced and FULL!  I wish we could settle into 2.5 and all of its curiosity forever.

You are an incredibly organized little boy.  You love routine, order and precision, though you have also started to enjoy getting dirty and exploring a bit of spontaneity.  The basket of cars downstairs in the play room goes in and out of its shelf several times a day as you race them down ramps, through boxes, on Lego tracks, line them up, space them perfectly, organize them by color, you name it.  Similar routines are practiced with airplanes, choo choo trains and Legos.  You have started enjoying imaginative play and it is fun to listen to your stories of where your toys have been or where they are going.  Everyone's most common destination is the airport but sometimes we stop by the train station as well.  Your imagination has also transitioned one of your friends, Preston, into the beginnings of an imaginary friend.  You love to tell me all about Preston as he chases you, you tickle him, he goes upstairs, sits in the fireplace, etc.  Preston definitely keeps you on your toes.

The more you grow, the more I love you and I just can't get enough.  These past six months have been mind blowing.  You are full of energy; constantly running, jumping, throwing, and playing.  Your hand-eye coordination is getting pretty good and you love to hit a baseball off of your tee.  Every morning when Daddy leaves for work you ask him which sport he is going to play at work.  "Beeseball, Daddy?  Football?  Tickball?  Bastetball?"

If you could, you would spend every minute with your dad.  You two are buddies and when you're together there is never a shortage of creativity.  You build ramps, make car villages from boxes, and make tunnels out of everything.  Daddy loves coming home from work and trying to find where you are hiding (behind the basement door every time) so that he can get the giggles and huge hugs that you've been storing up for him all day.  After a little bit of play time and dinner, the two of you typically head downstairs to watch a show before bed.  You both love animated movies and I am more impressed all the time at how much you can remember from them.  

During these past six months one of the biggest changes I have seen in you is your ability to retain things.  Whether it is a word I wish I hadn't said or where to turn to get to a friend's house, you remember A LOT!  It has made it fun to pick you up from nursery at church because you love to tell me about all of the different toys you played with and songs you sang.  Your favorite songs are Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and Itsy Bitsy Spider.

Next week I am taking Elle to visit Auntie Mush in Washington DC while you and Daddy have a 'no pants weekend'!  He is so excited to help you start learning to use the potty.  I think you are ready and can't wait to see your cute little bum in underwear!! 

You, Cannon Michael, are stuck with me.  I love you more all the time.  Your stubborn nature sometimes has me running circles but then I remember where you got it and we laugh.  You are a happy boy and I try my best to help foster your good nature.

I love you so much my Can Can,

Mommy

Half a Year Down with the Baby Girl!!

elle, 6 months

My Sweet Elle,

You are six months old now and an absolute ray of sunshine.  I call you my little smile prodigy because it seems that you started smiling at 2 weeks and have never stopped.  You love to lock eyes with anyone that will pay attention and blow them happy slobbery bubbles with a contagious happiness.  When you are feeling particularly cute you turn your head to the side and arch over to look at people sideways, always holding the pose until mirrored, leaving you both laughing.  You are sitting up flawlessly now and have recently added a cute little bum bounce where you push yourself up onto your little toes until you are nearly falling forward, then land back down on your cute diapered rump, over and over.  Watching you bounce with your little arms up in the air could make anyone smile. 

When you're not bouncing on your bum you like to jump in your exersaucer or in my lap.  You jump so high and with such gumption that I am surprised that your rolly little legs aren't pure muscle.  You are a big girl, still in the 70th percentiles for height, weight and head circumference.  You weigh 16lbs and are 26 inches long.  When we were at the doctor's office for your 6-month check up you had all of the nurses and doctor smiling like crazy as you eyed them with that infectious grin.  It broke my heart when you laid down on the table and locked your big smiling eyes with mine.  You looked like you wanted to tell me about all of the wonderful things that had happened that day.  Then they gave you four shots and your beautiful smiles turned into the saddest cries I have ever heard.  As you kept your confused crying eyes locked on mine, I had to remind myself over and over that immunizations are something I believe in.  I almost couldn't take it.

Something amazing about you, Elle, is that you are optimistic.  You soothe easily.  You allow the world around you to be imperfect and appreciate improvement in discomfort, rather than demanding perfection.  If you are hungry you will take your binki as a substitute, trusting that I will do my best to get you fed shortly.  If Cannon needs help with something, you wait patiently, seeming to understand that we all have needs and need to take turns.  I feel like I understand you.  Like I could tell you my little secrets and we would laugh together.  You are adventurous and easy going.  You make everyone feel like they are your favorite person.  These positive qualities are obvious and deliberate.  I hope you continue to nurture them as you grow.  I will do my best to help you.

You have taken great strides forward in your diet, sleeping and car seat situations.  We tried to feed you solids just before turning six months old, when you climbed my arm like a monkey to steal a muffin I was eating.  You are not great with a spoon and don't really like the feeling of food in your mouth.  You spit everything out.  Time is of great value right now, having two babies home, so I decided to just feed you your baby food in your bottle (which you are starting to hold on your own).  I snipped the nipple to have a bit bigger of an opening and now you get everything you need as you drink your normal bottles.  We dump veggies in with your formula in the mornings, fruit in the afternoons, and cereal at night.  I will try to spoon feed you again in time but for now, this is a terrific method.  You were also waking up at night until recently because I liked giving you a nighttime bottle to help you sleep later.  The night feeding has stopped helping you sleep longer so we took it away and you hardly complained (just for one night).  Your sleeping habits have gotten more regular.  You wake up around 6am, nap from 8-10 (I wake you up at 10 [GASP!] so that you will be tired enough to nap at the same time as Cannon).  The both of you have lunch then take an afternoon nap 12-2, then go to bed at 7.  You have also kept your car seat complaining to a surprising minimum lately.  Though it is obviously not your favorite place to be, you will now consent to its captivity and enjoy Cannon's company as we drive along.

Cannon can make you laugh (and cry) harder than anything else.  He seems to understand your sense of humor and it is not unusual to catch the two of you face to face in laughing fits.  I love to watch your relationship develop.  Bells, thank you for being such a love.  You bring happiness to our home.

I love you forever,

Mama

PS.  We love to call you Elles, Elles Bells, Bells, and Sister.  When someone old or foreign asks your name I tell them your full name: Elle Louise.  One syllable names are confusing to old people and Elle means something bland in most other languages.  A battle you will fight your whole life is the Ellie battle.  You are not an Ellie.  It is a cute name, but it is not your name.  We steer very clear of Ellie.

Elles Turns 5 Months!

elle louise, 5 months

Tiny Little Elles Bells,

Oh my sweet girl!  You are catching onto life so fast!!  Your dazzling little smile and chortle has us laughing back at you all the time.  Cannon is the funniest thing around and you will laugh at pretty much anything he does.  He loves to make you happy so whenever he gets a good squeal out of you he will repeat his actions for as long as you'll pay attention.  You two are such good little friends!

Just this week in the bath Cannon was pretending to float away and would reach for your little hand, 'help sister!!'; you would grab his hand and he would let you 'pull' him to safety.  'Oh thank you sister!' and you would laugh.  This was repeated at least 20 times.  You two are water babies and love to take baths together and go swimming together.  We have had a lot of fun in the sun this summer at the lake, swimming pool and lots of backyard activities.  You love to be outside, so if you are ever grumpy we hit the pavement.  Unfortunately you haven't taken to the stroller yet and much prefer to ride in the Bjorn, strapped to me facing outward.  You will ride like this for HOURS without complaining, so ride you do!  I have you in there while I walk, do chores, socialize, everything.  As long as you are close to me and can look around at the world, you typically stay happy.  I just can't sit down.

You, on the other hand, have become quite the sitting expert.  You love to sit up with a slew of toys in your lap.  You will sit, blow bubbles and keep an eye on the room for a very long time if you have the right toys in front of you!  We still have to steady you when we first set you down and be sure to watch you for tumbles, but you are generally doing very well!

Your interest in people watching is just the tip of the iceberg in your desire to be social.  You DO NOT like to be left out of anything and will complain incessantly if we ever try.  As soon as we make you a part of the conversation you are happy as can be.  You are my little sidekick and we both love it.  When you're not strapped to me you love to be in your exersaucer jumping to your little heart's content.  You jump and jump and jump as you watch Cannon play in the toy room.  When you can get your little hands on them, you love your toy car with the oball on the top that you can wind your little fingers in, my pink watch, your binki strap, cannon's cars, or any sort of cloth.  You love to put different cloths in your mouth and chew/cover them with drool.  You will chew on your sleeves, blankets, my clothes, and most recently: the socks on your feet.  It is darling.  

You are chewing and drooling so much that you have half of your onlookers convinced that you are teething but I am pretty sure that isn't the case.  You are just drooley.  You would think that with all of this chewing combined with your love for your binki that taking a bottle would be a piece of cake! This last month Daddy described feeding you to be like 'feeding a carnival ride'.  Unless you are really hungry and tired, all of your little limbs go crazy!  Your arms and legs do jumping jacks, you try to push the nipple out with your tongue, you shake your head and arch your back.  It is quite the treat!  We have found that squeezing you into a little ball and walking around is the best solution… but even then you won't let Daddy feed you.  Right now you take 6oz when you wake up, 4oz before your morning nap, 8oz before your pm nap, 6oz at 4pm, and 8oz with rice cereal before bed.  It is a nice routine.  

You are waking up just before 6am most mornings.  Your first nap is typically 8:30-10:30, we play for two hours, then you go back down 12:30-2:30.  After your pm nap you stay awake until bed time at 7pm.  You tend to get really cranky about an hour before bed but that is to be expected with having been awake for so long at that point.  We have had quite the roller coaster this month with your night time sleeping habits.  Daddy thinks I have been too easy on you because every time you would wake up I would jump out of bed and tend to you.  We are going to start trying to sleep train you again tonight.  It is so hard for me to listen to you cry!  You are just so small and sweet and I know that all you want is love!  Hopefully we can try and fill our love quota during the day soon so that nighttime can be left to sleeping. I love to squeeze you and kiss your round little cheeks.  Daddy loves to tickle your neck with his beard.  Cannon likes to get right in your face to yell happy messages.  And you like to smile through your binki at us all doing our best to make you laugh.

Elles, I love you to pieces.  You are a true joy in our home.  Thank you for your happiness and sweet nature.

Always, 

Mama

Elle Louise Turns Four Months

elle louise, 4 months

Hey There Pretty Girl!

You are four months old now and happy as ever.  Today at your appointment you had the nurses laughing with your bright smile and funny facial expressions (you were VERY dramatic taking your oral vaccine) and the doctor stunned with your strong and active little body as you rolled and spun all over the table.  She warned me that it may be hard to keep you from crawling pretty soon.  I wouldn't be too surprised.  You are curious, attentive, strong and so excited about life.  I love going to get you after you wake up because you are always SO happy and excited to see me.  All I have to do is walk in and you grin from ear to ear and talk and stretch until I pick you up.  When you are all stretched out tall you measure 25.25" and you weigh 14lb 10oz.  You are in the 70-85th percentile for everything, keeping you nice and proportional.

You love to be held facing out so that you can see what's going on around you and are not too fond of sitting down unless you are in a position to constantly jump and stand.  People reach out to hold you without asking all of the time, always telling me that you were asking to come to them with your outstretched little arms and drooly smile.  You are one friendly little girl!

When left to yourself for entertainment you prefer to lay on your back on the ground and play with your binki strap.  An occasional toy to grab for is appreciated but it normally doesn't take long for you to revert back to rolling across the room holding your binki strap, pulling your dresses high over your head and blowing spit bubbles.  I hope we can reign in your excitement for flashing people when you get excited or your may end up with an interesting group of friends in high school.

Another laughable little trait that you just developed is panting like a dog.  You stick your tongue out of one side of your mouth and pant like you just ran a block on your little tiny legs.  I think you keep up this puppy routine because it makes Cannon and I laugh so hard.  You two will do anything to make each other laugh.  Cannon is constantly right in your face, squishing your little cheeks together yelling 'hi sister! hi sister! hi sisteeeerrrrr!'.  When you cry in the car (the only place you are reliably unhappy) Cannon tries to comfort you by telling you it's ok, that we're almost home... Then he yells at you to stop or he'll put you in time out.

Just recently Cannon has started to be more interested in what you are doing all of the time.  You like to play in the exersaucer where you can spin the little toys and jump all around, so he stands on its frame and talks to you as you bobble around.  You are taking about 30 ounces of formula a day and when Cannon is not busy with his own meal, he is asking to feed you yours.  When we grocery shop I put you in a little front pack (which you love) while Cannon sits in the cart so that he can talk face to face with you the whole time.  I am so happy to see the start of such a loving relationship between the two of you.  You share a nursery and every night after I put you down he asks to be carried from his crib over to look at you one more time before he goes to sleep.  He is already protecting you from other kids and making sure that someone is tending to you when you cry.

One of your many positive attributes is your crying.  You really only cry when there is a good reason and are easily calmed (none of this applies to car rides).  Most of the time when you are sad you stare at me through big crocodile tears in your eyes and loud screams with a smile still on your face.  Even your crying is happy.

I waited until you were 3.5 months to let you 'cry it out' at night.  Though you had been doing well with your sleeping, we went on a trip to Utah for a Murdock Family Reunion and it took over a month to recover our nights.  Even still, you just seemed so little and so sweet... letting such a good baby cry seemed like cruelty.  When I finally consented to letting you cry it took a good 7 minutes ONE time and you never woke up at night again.  Proof that you were really only waking up for a bottle to make me feel better.  Now that we are all sleeping better, life is so full!  We play all day going on walks, sun bathe at the beach, splash around in the water table in the backyard, take Cannon to the library, etc.  You are so fun and generally very accommodating of whatever we want to do...  Except eat.

It will be wonderful to be able to hand you your own bottle or set you in a high chair.  You have become keenly interested in anything that is set in front of you on the dining room table.  We have had many close calls with dishes being snagged and pulled almost to the floor as you try to get a closer glimpse of what all of the hassle is about.  When we try and put you in your swing so that we can eat with both hands you wail and wiggle until we let you join the family again.  You do NOT like to be left out.  We have also started strapping you in to your swing after you wiggled clear out of it last week and bonked your face on the hard wood floor.  My heart broke seeing your first real injury and now we are extra careful when we leave you places, always surrounding you with extra pillows when you are practicing sitting up or anything else wobbly. 


Elles, your sweet smile shines.  You are a joy of a child.  Thank you for bringing such a fullness to our lives.  Your daddy, Cannon and I love you so much.  You are a little angel baby.

Love You Forever,
Mommy

PS.  We just recently celebrated the life of your great grandmother, Bessie Westoby.  Luckily you got to meet her one time when we went to the family reunion in Utah.  She attended your blessing and you brought a smile to her face.  Your blessing was the last time she left the house other than for doctor's appointments.  She passed away on August 8.  She was a terrific lady that cared deeply for her family.

Dealing with a Modern Addiction

Drugs, Facebook, Downton Abbey... a person can be addicted to anything.  I am addicted to dieting.  Sure you can be told a million times that society feeds you crap on the 'shoulds' of what real women look like but the effects of these messages can creep into people's lives in very sneaky ways.  Keep in mind as you read this that I have pretty much always been in the 'normal' weight category.

When I was 11 I became a vegetarian.  My grandma was a vegetarian and lived a very vibrant and healthy life.  Every time I left her house I felt like I had been cleansed by all of the natural food she forced us all to eat and I wanted to feel like that all of the time.  My decision to become a vegetarian was made over night and I never faltered.  Though I had no clue as to how to eat properly without meat (read: several years of straight carbs) I felt better!  Shortly after this transformation I gave up chocolate, eating it only on my birthday each year.  I also started Weight Watchers for the first time (of 4).  Between the age of 11 and my current 27, I have participated in over 25 different diets or programs. Many of them more than once.

Taking a step back now I can see that at 11 years old (4th and 5th grade) I was 5'4" and weighed about 120lbs, maybe more.  I was bigger than most of my girl friends and virtually all of the surrounding prepubescent boys, making me incredibly self conscious.  Isn't Jr. High the best?!

Cutting out meat and chocolate made me feel like I had control and I saw a difference in the way I looked.  As the boys got taller, my height stayed put and I thinned out (due to incessant running and obsessively controlled eating).  People noticed and praised me on how good I was looking.  I also went through puberty, which both helped and hurt.  My diet during puberty was so nutritionally empty that I was not able to develop properly (personal opinion) and while I'm grateful to have a clean slate for a future boob-job, it would've been much cheaper just to eat some chicken and scratch the soy milk.

I started with Weight Watchers, making it a game to see if I could eat less than 10 points a day.  Atkins to prove that I could go high protein without eating meat.  HCG because more than 500 calories a day is for people without restraint. Total Health and Fitness because 'Hello!?  It's all about balance!'.  Low Carb.  High Fiber.  No Fat.  Only Greens.  Two a Day Workouts fueled by celery.  No Sweets.  Control Control CONTROL!  Sensing a pattern here??

It was after turning down an elegant meal made by my brother in law to commemorate the passing of his father that his wife pointed out a problem.  Of course I couldn't eat the meal because I was 'on a little plan' and what some call cheating, I saw as failure that I knew the scale would not forget.  She told me she had never been on a diet and was happy with herself.  I was confused.  Happy with herself?!  Not even Angelina Joalie is allowed to admit that she is happy with herself, let alone a normal sized, normal shaped young person.  No diet??  EVER??  REALITY CHECK #1.  My mind was blown.  I literally could not remember ever NOT being on a diet.  She asked me to stop.  To commit to figuring out how to live without the crutch of a 'plan'.  Again, confusion... 'does she mean I should just jump straight to my maintenance phase?'  **Note: I have never completed a maintenance phase without starting a new plan.**  In that moment I realized that I needed to stop.

But I didn't.

At the time my husband and I had been trying for about a year to get pregnant and I was beginning to loose hope that I would ever give birth.  I saw a specialist that basically told me to 'go eat a steak' before talking to him again.  I laughed at him and never went back.  Shortly after I had a remarkable (little too personal for blogging) experience that left me sure that I needed to add some protein back into my diet.  With a HUGE leap of faith, the addition of chicken to my diet, and the help of some modern day medicine, it took just one month for me to conceive. I was thrilled but a little disappointed because I had finally reached my goal weight for the... wait for it... FIRST TIME.  Don't be excited for me.  I dieted for 13 years STRAIGHT before actually reaching my 'goal weight' and when I got there, I changed it.  I only stopped this diet because my husband asked me to... because it was severely affecting my emotional well being, and therefore his sanity.  This request was REALITY CHECK #2. 

While pregnant I followed the diet outlined in What to Expect When You're Expecting.  My son came nine months later and then I was left to my own devices to figure out how to shed my extra pounds.   Despite my husband's request... more diets.  I got most of the weight off, then got pregnant again at a peak in my never-ending yo-yo.  I had Elle Louise four months ago and am currently on my way down again.  But something is different this time...  I have a girl now.

On a recent walk I passed by a woman around the age of 65 talking on her cell phone.  'Ya! I think it will be great!  The first three weeks are high protein, low carb, then a cleanse...'  Enter REALITY CHECK #3.  There are almost 40 years between this woman and I and we are both caught in the same trap.  What does she hope to gain from this new plan??  What have I ever gained from mine? Will I ever be... how did Savanna say it... happy with myself? AM I STILL GOING TO BE ON A DIET IN 40 YEARS!?

The answer is no.  I will not be on a diet in 40 years.

I won't say that I have washed myself clean and will never be tempted to go on another diet.  That is why there are 12 steps to AA right?  As the late Robin Williams said:
 “It’s (addiction) — not caused by anything, it’s just there,” he told ABC’s Diane Sawyer in 2011. “It waits. It lays in wait for the time when you think, ‘It’s fine now, I’m OK.’ Then, the next thing you know, it’s not OK. Then you realize, ‘Where am I? I didn’t realize I was in Cleveland.'” -Variety Magazine

While my addiction to dieting is not life threatening, it is real and I refuse to pass it on to my own daughter.  I want her to understand how to take care of her body, how to stay balanced, and just how beautiful she is.  I have recently been reading a book about balance and health being attained by merely 'paying attention'.  Rather than a diet, it is a mental training program designed to help readers get into good habits, enjoy eating and respect food.  I am currently on phase 3 of 4 and have never felt more in control, healthy, happy and GUILT FREE.  Instead of counting calories I have self-defined parameters like: sitting at the table to eat, paying attention to the textures and flavors in each bite, etc. (the book: French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano)

To someone that hasn't really talked with a dieter, this may sound silly.  I know first hand that it is not silly.  It is a gateway to eating disorders and is too scary to play with.  I am still a partial vegetarian and haven't had chocolate (except for my bday) in 14 years.  I am not ready to change those things.  Eventually I would like to let those crutches go.

One thing at a time.

If you are interested, here are a couple of articles about diet addiction:
Why Dieting Can Become Addictive
Are You Addicted to Dieting?
Are You Addicted to Food or Addicted to Dieting?

A Little Bit of Balance

These last few days I have been at parenthood without Michael as he attends the funeral of his sweet Grandma Bessie in Utah.  While I have missed seeing his handsome face every day I jokingly told him that the kids and I were on a 'Michael-cation'.  It's good for couples to have time apart sometimes.  To regroup.  And let absence work its magic ;-))  During this time I decided to step back and assess myself in hopes to try and make sense of some of the things I am doing routinely.  I took one whole night assessing my personal health: eating, exercise, mental health and formed a very simple plan to hopefully add some balance.  I took another night to look at my day to day routine with the kids and see what I could do to enhance our time together.  Another plan was formed.  Though I have only been paying heed to these regimens for three days now, I feel so much more balanced!  I have a daily routine to fall back on with the kids, with the idea that we can plan anything OVER the routine but if we don't, we always have something to do.  I also made one HUGE change in deciding that my work day is OVER at 7:30.  After 7:30 I will not be doing any house tending or home making.  I start putting the kids down at 7, do the dishes and pick up the house at 7:15 and am free to do whatever I want by 7:30.  This also means that nap time is not recreational.  It's Mommy chore time... unless I am crazy sleep deprived.  Then all bets are off. 

I am naturally a morning person so by the time my kids are in bed I am a walking zombie.  Doing chores during nap time doesn't phase me in the slightest if it means that I will have a whole night to myself to do whatever I want.  It also means that if the kids wake up before I'm done with my chores that I don't have to finish them after bed time... they can wait until tomorrow at nap time.  I cannot even tell you how wonderful this has been.  Leaving things half done normally KILLS me but knowing that I will have two hours of time to pick up where I left off the next day makes it so much easier to enjoy my kids without the pressure. 

We will see how things go once my one true love is back in town.  I think he will love this plan since he is normally trying with all of his might to get me to cool my jets after bed time.  I guess I just needed to make it work for me.  I love me some alone time.

Baby Elle is Three Months Old

elle louise, three months

Dear Elle,

These letters are normally full of specs and milestones but today I just can't stop thinking about how you have changed my life.  At no time have I ever felt more fulfilled.  Being a mother is an important calling, being YOUR mother is an absolute joy.  A new loved quote I ran across seems to dictate my feelings perfectly, "When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children." -Chris Rock

Elle, this month you did important things like: starting to laugh, rolling over (for real), reaching for things and 'screeching' like a pterodactyl.  You also moved into your real crib and now share a room with Cannon!  The thing I most want you to know about your life as a 3-month old, though, is that you are unconditionally loved.  There is nowhere I would rather be every day than with you and your brother.  You two are not a sacrifice for me, but my purpose.  You were born smiling and have a certain joy about you that cannot be matched.  I love you for you and will be continue to do so forever.  Thank you for coming to me.  I can't wait to see you in the morning.

Always,

Mommy

Elle is Two Months!

elle louise, two months

Little Elles,

You are two months old and growing fast!  You weighed in at 12 pounds, 3 ounces, and measured 23.5 inches long!  You are a big girl with nothing but love and smiles for days.  You have been smiling from one week old and gave us your very first laugh a couple of days ago when Cannon was playing with you.  You love to watch your brother and always smile ear to ear when he talks and entertains you.  

Your favorite daytime activities are staring at yourself in the mirror above your swing, talking, taking walks, or joining Cannon for a warm bath.  You lay there mildly as he builds bubble castles on your tummy and destroys them with dinosaurs, coincidentally landing water in your face almost every time.  You don't complain.  I think if the water stayed warm, you might turn into a little raisin just laying in the bath all day, though you don't seem to mind getting out either.  We often hit a little bump in the mellow road as I dress you (you have quite the set of lungs, set to make a point whenever necessary) but then all I have to do is tell you how darling you look and you are instantly happy again.  You love compliments!

To encourage the flow of these flattering remarks from all of your admirers, you are always topped with a headband and dressed in the cutest little outfits.  Grandma Cheryl has made sure you have shoes to go with them all, and to top it all off, you got your very first pedicure this month!  We went with pacific blue and it has worked wonderfully with your complexion and wardrobe ;-).  Your hair on the front of your head is starting to fill in again and will be begging to be styled in no time, I'm sure.

When you are not busy staring at your cute self in the mirror, you are normally eating, sleeping or talking like crazy.  You typically go to sleep around 7:30pm, wake up at 5am for your binki (which you love), then sleep until about 5:45.  Though you are doing great, I am pretty sure you will shake this 5am wake up call in the next couple of weeks and we will be able to have you sleep in your real crib in the nursery with Cannon.  After waking up in the morning you normally go back down for a nap from 7-9am, then again from 11:30-2:30.  After these pretty standard naps, you are off and on the rest of the day until night time.  It doesn't seem to matter how much or little, or at what times you slept during the day when it comes to your night time sleeping; you generally do pretty well.  The only problems we have had at night with sleeping is when you are constipated.  After figuring this out we just started adding a little bit of prune juice to your bottles periodically and you have cleared right up.

You normally take a 6 ounce bottle every 3-4 hours, to total about 24 ounces a day.  You are a slow and deliberate eater and you don't have too much of a problem getting bored or distracted, which is nice.  You like to finish what you start once you've committed to it, though you do sometimes struggle to latch right away.  It is most fun to talk to you when you have just had a bottle because you are just so content.  You make all sorts of noises, your favorite being a pursed-lipped 'Mmmm' sound which obviously means something very exciting because you can do it very loud while kicking your little legs very quickly!  This fun sound also results in bubble blowing most of the time.  One afternoon when we went to go say hello to Cannon in his crib after his nap I laid you down so the two of you could 'talk'.  You started blowing bubbles and he got very concerned.  'Oh no!' he said while popping a big bubble, 'Sister!  No eat soap!  Okay?!  OKAY?!'  You two are going to be quite the team, I can tell already.

I have truly loved being your mother these past two months.  You are a light and a joy and I understand you.  Your complaining is minimal and your happiness is contagious.  Sometimes when I spend time with you I find myself just laughing because you are too fun.  I love you and I love your heart.  Thank you for being mine.

Forever,

Mommy

The Lovebirds: 5 Years and Counting!

Happy Anniversary Huns Buns!!  Our actual anny was on 5/16 but you know, life is on a delay over here and I'm ok with that.  To celebrate this year my sweet mother in law Cindy watched the babies OVERNIGHT (brave woman!!) so that we could take a romantic trip to White Plains, NY where we ate fancy food, played bocce ball, swam, and… had fun ;-)  The past couple years (guess we skipped last year, THREE YEARS, TWO YEARS) we have filled out a little survey to demonstrate our undying love so just to make sure it is still undying… the survey:

2009, painting our first apartment (Michael was such a baby!!)

2014, at a Lady Antebellum concert a couple months back

MICHAEL'S:

What was the first thing that attracted you to Brit?

First time I felt attraction towards Brit was when I saw her picture on the wall at her house. I'm pretty sure it was like her junior high pic so that does make me kinda creepy but she looked pretty hot! And in person, first thing that attracted me to her was her vibrant and contageous happiness.

Is that thing still the most attractive thing about her??

Brit's joy permeates every part about her so I guess it does, but moreso now I'm attracted to her confidence, trust and love for our little family.

How has the addition of two children changed marriage (for the better) for you?

It has brought the two of us much closer together. We now have this bond over sharing Cannon and Elle that can never be shared with anyone nor can it ever be broken.

What is your favorite thing to do with Brit?

I like to drive and talk or be at a restaurant and talk. I especially like talking about plans or just about anything that makes her laugh. Road trips are usually the most concentrated with carefree yet important discussions. Always coupled with laughs and fun!

What was your favorite experience during this past year of marriage?

Definitely having Elle, this time I saw the growth Brit had gained and I actually knew the wonderful potential Elle had instead of just being completely clueless and terrified.

What things have you learned to like to make your marriage easier??

Chick flicks. I tolerated them before, but now I've found more value in their efforts to make you smile and feel. I've also learned to enjoy goal setting and planning. I really enjoy projects a ton now too! Not sure they make marriage "easier" but they most certainly make marriage much more fun!!

What would you like your wife to know that you don't think she already knows?

That I see how hard she works to make me happy all the time. With little things and big things. I've only grown more confident with her love for me since we were married. She always makes me lunches even though she hates to, she makes wonderful dinners even though she thinks she's not good at it (not sure why she seems to think this). She always acts like she is interested in the things that I'm passionate in even though I know sometimes there is no way she actually is. Thanks hons for always making me feel so valuable.

What is the key to marital success?

Find someone that makes you a better person. Remind yourself and your spouse that you love them every day. Be committed in every way and don't put yourself above your marriage.

BRIT'S:

What was the first thing that attracted you to Michael?

His smile and how he looks in a baseball hat.

Is that thing still the most attractive thing about him??

His smile and dashing good looks are definitely still completely in tact but I think the thing that is the most attractive about him now is when he helps other people.  Who can resist a man that plays with little kids, moving big heavy furniture and doing his part at church and with his friends?  He helps me all of the time and is always willing to step up for anyone else that asks.

**As a side note, he looks great in a suit.  That's pretty attractive too.

**And when he plays sports.  Or wears his tool belt.  Or does the dishes.  You know, you know...

How has the addition of two children changed marriage (for the better) for you?

It has helped me to rely completely on Michael when I have done all that I can do.  We have a better trust and a better understanding of each other.  One of my favorite things about the birthing experience is knowing that two people can do something so magnificent together.  It has brought us so close both times.  It also helps us see our future better and makes looking forward more exciting.  Our capacity to love has grown like I can't believe.

What is your favorite thing to do with Michael?

Either play softball or travel.  I love spending time with Michael and both of these things let us let loose and just have fun and be young together.

What was your favorite experience during this past year of marriage?

Having Elle and watching Cannon with her.  They are so sweet.  I also loved our trip to Niagra Falls with Michelle and Nate.

What things have you learned to like/do to make your marriage easier??

I've tried to be more open minded about action movies (not successful yet but it's coming along), board games, cords (not ever sure why we need more cords but he's right, they always make things cooler), and having fun when things (the house) aren't in perfect order.

What would you like your husband to know that you don't think he already knows?I am excited for your salt and pepper hair to come in.  You are going to be a smokin hot old guy.

What is the key to marital success?

Listen, communicate, compromise and give him the benefit of the doubt.  (and a little extra sex never hurt anybody)

Happy One Month Birthday Big Girl!

elle louise, one month

Dearest Little Elles Bells,

Happy one-month birthday!  We went to the doctor and you are now a whopping 10 lbs 8oz and 22.25 inches.  You are around the 85^th percentile for all of your measurements.  You have big blue eyes and a cute little fold in your left ear that Daddy likes to call your ‘elf’ ear.  You lost your umbilical cord the day before your one-month birthday, making bath time with brother so much fun!  You look a lot like Cannon and even have the same receding hairline back to the middle of your scalp that he had when he was born, though I’m sure you will have a full head of hair in no time.  It seems that you have smiled from the very beginning.  You love to sit up on our laps and have little cooing conversations with big bright grins.  In true female fashion, you are a fantastic listener and love to have eye contact and our full attention throughout our conversations.  It is hard to do much but smile and laugh as you talk back with your sweet little voice.

You are generally very well mannered and can be easily satisfied with a new diaper, 4oz bottle of formula, a nap or some cuddles.  When you are not happy, which is not often, you simply scream with gusto until we get the message.   It’s a pretty good system. 

When nighttime comes you typically stay up until about 8pm, then fall asleep on the couch in the basement.  You eat around midnight, then when Daddy is ready for bed he joins you and you both sleep until you get hungry between 3-5am when he feeds you and brings you upstairs to go back to sleep with Mama until about 6am.  Cannon loves to wake up to his sister and smiles whenever I bring you into his room in the mornings.  I think the two of you are going to be wonderful friends.

During playtime, Cannon often shows you his toys or does little tricks for you and is sure that you are amused.  You watch with big eyes and smile back at him.  When you were two weeks old we were all playing in the living room and I laid you down for some tummy time on the couch.   I couldn’t believe my eyes when you started squirming in frustration and ROLLED OVER!  At first I thought it was fluke but have since watched you roll several times, and even caught it on video.

As your name states, you have been a true light in our lives already.  The time that you have spent with your grandparents (Cheryl, Kim and Cindy all came to meet and help take care of you when you were born) already has been so tender.  You have a softness about you that is easy to recognize and enjoy.  I can’t wait to get to know your personality more as you grow.  I love you and I love the bond that we have already.

Yours Forever,

Mama

Elle's Birth Story from Gi-ma

Elle’s Birth - Grandma’s Experience

Originally, my flight to Connecticut was scheduled for Tuesday, April 1^st and then to depart on Tuesday, April 15^th. As time crept closer to Brittany’s due date (April 3^rd), I kept thinking about Cannon’s arrival and I started getting a bit concerned. When I went for Cannon’s birth, Michael picked me up from the LaGuardia airport on the night of March 14^th. After I got in the car and we were just departing the airport, we started getting texts from Brittany telling us that she was having contractions and they were pretty close together. That is a car ride I will never forget as Michael got us home to their apartment in record time. We picked up Brittany and got her to the hospital just in time for her water to break and she was fully in labor. Cannon was born on March 15^th. I didn’t want to get there too late for Elle’s arrival or come at an inconvenient time so, after several conversations with Brittany, my flight was changed to a few days earlier, Saturday, March 29^th.

I was so relieved to have arrived before the baby decided she was going to come! It was wonderful spending time with Brittany and Michael and developing a special bond with Cannon, I really loved this time! I enjoyed becoming familiar with their beautiful new home and neighborhood. I enjoyed getting to know their routines and how things worked. I also enjoyed becoming reacquainted with some of their friends and also meeting some of their friends for the first time. I was amazed with Brittany, her pregnancy was at full term but she wasn’t acting like it at all…no waddling, no gasping for breath after climbing flights of stairs. Although I’m sure she wasn’t comfortable, she carried herself as if this was all quite normal.

The Tuesday following my arrival, Brittany had her 40 week doctor’s appointment. She came home pretty disappointed because he told her that she had not dilated or dropped at all. Since she was going for a VBACK, he told her that he would give her until April 14^th and then he would have to schedule a c-section. The doctor also told her that if she hadn’t had the baby by her week 41 appointment, if she was dilated even to a ‘1’, there were things he could do to ‘help move things along’.  Brittany seemed quite committed to NOT making it to the 14^th. As the days passed I was getting concerned that her delivery date would be really late and I would have to leave too soon. I was getting worried about her not having the help and support she was definitely going to need after having the baby. I’m sure Brittany was feeling my anxiousness but she handled this time with so much poise!

The days passed with Brittany having contractions now and then but nothing that developed into labor. In the meantime, I loved everything happening around me! Michael had started building an office in their basement. I was so impressed with him, although most of what he was doing was nothing he had done before, he was committed to learning how to do it and doing it right. While I was there he moved and installed all sorts of electricity (you can be sure that that small office has more juice running to it than the rest of the house combined!), he cut out part of a wall and installed a door and he framed the office. I’m excited for the things he is going to teach his children to do! I loved watching Brittany as a mother and nurture a very active, strong willed, loving little boy. Cannon is a marvel! I loved getting to know Cannon during this ‘wait time’! It is true that, while playing with me, he managed to trip into the fireplace and get a cut on his face that required 3 stitches but he was a real trouper.

April 9^th, the day of Brittany’s week 41 appointment had arrived.  She was hoping and praying…all she needed was to be dilated to a ONE for Dr. Lamonica to ‘help move things along’. Brittany and I planned to take a ‘healthy’ walk the morning of the appointment to possibly help get things moving. Brittany, knowing the area much better than me, planned the route for our walk. In hindsight, had I known the route I would have refused to allow such a strenuous walk! She told me that she thought it would be about a 3 mile walk, it turned out to be a 4 ½ mile walk up several VERY steep hills. I was amazed with her, she had to stop only one time for about 30 seconds to catch her breath, other than that, she kept a strong pace the entire walk! Wow – At 41 weeks pregnant! It’s amazing she didn’t deliver on one of those hills!...Our walk paid off! Brittany went for her 41 week appointment and she was dilated to a TWO!!

At about 10:50 pm on April 9^th, I got a text from Kim telling me that I had better check on Brittany because, although she was in the room right next to me, she had texted him to tell him that she was having intense labor pains. Just after reading Kim’s text, Brittany came in to let me know that it was time to go to the hospital. It all happened so fast but it felt like it was in slow motion…Cory, a dear friend of theirs suddenly appeared carrying only a pillow. She came with comforting support and providing the peace that Brittany and Michael needed to be able to leave Cannon in her loving hands. Brittany was very quiet as she had to stop every couple of minutes to ride out another contraction. We finally got into the cars, Michael and Brittany in one car, me following them in the other. We had to stop or slow down several times on the 7 mile drive to the hospital as Michael was making every effort to make the drive comfortable for Brit.

When we got to the hospital, it was probably about 11:30pm and the doors into the labor and delivery were locked, only to be opened by a nurse sitting at the adjacent desk. Unfortunately, the nurse must have been on break because no one was around. Due to the late hour, the lights were dimmed and it felt like there should have been a ‘closed’ sign hanging in the window. Brittany was having some very strong labor pains, leaning on Michael. Luckily, there was a sweet little Hispanic cleaning lady who saw our dilemma…she spoke very little English but she used her badge to open the door and lead us to the check in desk. Brittany was quickly checked in and then taken to the same room she was taken to when she checked in with Cannon. Once on the bed, the doctor checked Brittany and announced that she was definitely in labor and they would not be sending her home (we were pretty sure that wasn’t going to even be an option!). I left the room for a minute to get something for Brittany and the sweet little lady who let us in was waiting outside to make sure that Brittany was okay. She didn’t speak much English but she told me congratulations and she would pray for her. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, I felt like she was one of the angels watching over us that night.

Brittany was moved into a beautiful Labor and Delivery room. Monitors were put on her and an IV shunt was inserted into her hand. Brittany was very clear that she did not want any IV’s or pain meds until she had dilated to at least a 7 or in the case of an emergency. She felt that possibly, that could have been part of the reason Cannon had to come by c-section and she wanted to prevent a c-section if at all possible this time around. When planning for this delivery, one of the things they had decided on was to hire a ‘doula’ to help them with the delivery. I had never heard of a doula before…a doula is not a medical professional; she is like a coach and an advocate for the parents. About an hour or so after being moved into the labor and delivery room, the doula, ‘Angel’ arrived (VERY appropriately named). Angel was amazing! She had a lot of experience and was familiar with the hospital and the hospital staff all knew her and obviously appreciated her and trusted respected her roll. Brittany and Michael quickly learned to trust and appreciate her also.

Brittany’s contractions became extremely intense. The doctors were amazed at how long her pains were lasting…each contraction went on for about 5 minutes. Brittany was coached by Angel to try several different positions that would be most comfortable. It turned out that the one that was most ‘comfortable’ for Brittany was the ‘slow dance’ position. She and Michael stood in the hospital room ‘slow dancing’ for several hours, all the while the contractions grew in intensity. I have always loved Michael…(since the first time we met him and he sat on our living room sofa having enough ‘guts’ to put his arm around our daughter within minutes of meeting her parents.) but my love for Michael grew to trust in that hospital room as I watched him lovingly and tenderly hold my daughter up and carry her through these long difficult hours. Michael was able to offer her the security and the confidence that she could do this, she was not doing this alone. Michael had what no other person on this earth could offer her. My heart is so full of love and reverence as I reflect on that experience.

Brittany was in excruciating pain. Finally, when she was dilated to an 8 ½, they offered her an epidural and she accepted. I left the room when they gave her the epidural. When I was waiting to go back into the room, I prayed so hard that the Lord would be with Brittany… When I returned…Oh my goodness! She was smiling and even joking! She was exhausted and worn out but the Lord definitely answered my prayers, that epidural was a WONDER drug!!

Brittany continued to dilate and the time finally came for her to push. The baby had dropped some, she actually came down a lot further than Cannon ever got but she wasn’t moving down the birth canal quite enough. Brittany was a warrior; she pushed with everything she had. Since her contractions were so long, she could get several strong pushes in with one contraction. My job was to count out her contractions. I think I counted to 10 about a thousand times. She pushed for well over an hour when the doctor told her that the baby hadn’t moved much. Since Brittany had already had a c-section, hers was a high risk delivery. They were concerned about the safety of both Brittany and the baby. The doctor explained the risks and told Brittany that she would only allow her to push for so long before doing a c-section. She told Brittany that she could push for another hour but then, if no progress, they would have to decide about a c-section. I didn’t think Brittany had any more to give but she gave even more that next hour, committed to pushing and bringing her baby home. The doctors, the nurses, Angel…everyone watched in amazement as Brittany kept giving it more, never giving in.

An hour later, around 1:30 pm, the doctor checked Brittany again and let her know that there was still no progress. She told Brittany that, in her professional opinion, she would have to recommend a c-section. It was a moment that sort of stood still…for the last 9 months Brittany and read and educated herself on VBACKs and she had prepared in every way to make that successful. Then, after hours of labor and pushing, giving it everything she had, she was told that it was time to concede. I realized at that moment that it wasn’t just Brittany who had worked so hard for this, it was Michael also. I think Michael wanted this so much because it was so important to Brittany but none the less, her words sort of hung in the air. Michael thanked the doctor for her advice and then asked if everyone would please leave the room so that he could have some time with his wife. After about 10 minutes, Michael came out and we all returned. There was a feeling of peace as we entered the room. Brittany and Michael were united and comforted with the knowledge that they had done EVERYTHING they could have possibly done; there was no defeat, just acceptance. Although they were both exhausted, they were ready and anxious to meet their baby girl!

Within minutes, Brittany was prepped and sent to the operating room. I was left with Michael for a few minutes while he suited up in his operating room jumpsuit and blue hat and shoe covers. Michael went to the operating room and I went to the waiting room. Michael promised to text me as soon as the baby was in the nursery. About 45 minutes later, I GOT THE TEXT!!! I couldn’t get to the nursery fast enough!!! When I got there, I found myself looking through the same window that I had when Cannon was born. There she was, the most beautiful baby girl!! She looked just like Cannon!!! I was shocked at how similar they look!! BUT…she has DARK HAIR!!! (I was so excited about that)! When Cannon was born, the nurse was so nice, because I was the grandmother, she let me go into the nursery. This time, they said that only the fathers could go in the nursery so I had to just watch through the window. My granddaughter was only about 8 feet away and I couldn’t touch her or talk to her…it was killing me! Michael told me that the surgery had gone well and that they were still sewing Brittany up, she had a lot of scarring and some damage had been done during the pushing phase. He said that she would be in recovery for a while. Meanwhile I stood glued to that window watching that beautiful baby, she was just perfect! My heart felt like it was going to explode!

Finally, a cute little nurse intern came and snuck me in to see Brittany in the recovery room. I wasn’t supposed to go back there and I could only stay for a minute but I couldn’t believe how relieved I was to see her, she looked worn out but she was so happy and glowing, holding her baby girl. She just radiated!

Brittany and the baby were finally brought to the hospital room where I was waiting for them. I was finally able to hold that little angel and see her up close. She was perfect! Absolutely flawless! I felt like I already knew her, like we had an understanding or something. It was how I felt when I held Brittany for the first time…sort of like we had an inside joke. I loved that moment.

After about an hour, once I knew that Brittany was okay, I felt this overwhelming need to leave and go get Cannon. I left Brittany and Michael and unnamed baby girl and went and picked up Cannon…he needed to be a part of this beautiful family time.

When Cannon saw his baby sister for the first time, he was intrigued yet cautious. He was so gentle, he wanted to touch her. When Michael showed him how to gently touch her head and kiss her, he was so sweet to her. Cannon has such a tender loving heart, he didn’t like it that his mommy had an ‘ouch’ on her tummy. He wanted to kiss mommy but he didn’t want to get too close to her, it really disturbed him that she was hurt. He also didn’t like that his baby had an ‘ouch’ on her belly button so he would only touch her head.

I got to stay with Cannon at home while Michael stayed with Brittany and baby at the hospital. It turns out that those ‘waiting’ days before the baby was born were such a blessing! With his parents gone, Cannon was comfortable with his ‘Gi-Ma’ (as he now calls me). I had been there long enough for him to know how his world worked, I’m SO grateful for that time!!

The baby was born on Thursday (April 10^th). A couple of days later, Michael and Brittany finalized their decision on the baby’s name…This beautiful little girl’s name is Elle Louise Murdock. Her middle name is after her two great grandmothers, both Louise’s. When Brittany and Michael called my mom to tell her that they had named their baby after her, I could just feel how much it meant to my mother. She was so touched and honored. Elle is named after two wonderful women who have touched so many lives. I pray that Elle will know what an honor it is to carry their name.

Brittany and baby came home on Monday, April 14^th, it was so exciting to have them come home!! About 5 minutes after they had come home, I went downstairs, I didn’t realize that Cannon had followed me and, when I wasn’t looking, he jumped to me and landed on the ground. Long story short…Cannon broke his wrist. UGH! I felt so horrible!  (within 10 days of grandma being there, Cannon got stitches and a broken wrist, I swear, I LOVE that little guy!!!)

 There was no possible way that I was going to leave the next day on my scheduled flight. I was able to extend my trip until the following Sunday, the 20^th.  The next few days were pretty rocky for Brittany as her healing wasn’t quite going as smoothly as hoped, she was having severe pain in her back and she had to return to the hospital a couple of times. She was having problems with her kidneys. Recovering from a c-section is difficult enough but after all of the pushing that she did, it actually caused some additional damage. She is being forced to take it really easy to allow her body to heal.

I feel so blessed to have been a part of this miracle. When Brittany and Nick were born, I remember the overwhelming feeling of love, a love like no other love I had felt before. The love I feel for my grandchildren is that same love but it is also compounded with a gratitude like I have never felt before.

I am also grateful for the warm and loving home that Brittany and Michael have created to raise our grandchildren in. I was there for much longer than expected and I am sure that that is very difficult for people to have visitors for that long but I felt nothing but love and acceptance. I am eternally appreciative for the gift of this experience.

Elle's Birth Story, Love Dad and Mom

Elle Louise was born at 2:36 on April 10th.  She weighed 8lb 11oz and was around 20 inches long.  This is how she got here, through the eyes of Mom:

My pregnancy with Elle was a dream come true.  I enjoyed my time with Cannon as  the days flew by and I never felt overly inhibited by my growing belly or pregnancy symptoms.  As her due date grew close I felt almost too good to be full term.  It seemed like my head and my heart were ready for the baby to arrive but that my body was perfectly satisfied with eternal pregnancy.  When I showed up to my 40-week appointment I was still not dilated or effaced and the baby had not dropped at all.  I went back home to my family and an anxious grandmother with no new news and even though I was excited to meet my daughter, I felt no rush to force her here with a scheduled c-section.

The next week I went to my 41-week appointment prepared.  My mom and I had taken a 4.5 mile walk that morning and Michael had done everything he could to move the baby along as well.  I prayed that I would at least be dilated to 1cm so that Doctor Lamonica would be able to help the baby along in some way.  I jumped for joy (read shrieked in pain) when the doctor said I had dilated to 2cm and that he was able to hopefully jumpstart labor by stretching my cervix.  I called Michael crying tears of joy with the hope that this news would allow my body to go into labor naturally and that we would not have to have a repeat c-section since the first surgery was so emotionally and physically draining for both Michael and I.

The rest of the day I was uncomfortable.  I felt crampy due to the forced dilation from earlier and was low on energy.  Around 10pm I went to bed and my contractions started shortly afterward.  At first I didn’t realize what was happening and fell back to sleep between them.  When they started to quickly get closer together I texted my dad to tell him what was happening.  I thought it would be fun for him to be the first to know even though he could not be around.  After I was sure and the contractions were between 3 and 5 mins apart I called Michael on the phone and he came upstairs, seeming to already know what was going on.  We finished packing our bags, woke my mom, and called my good friend Kori Haring to come sleep over and take care of Cannon.  By the time we left the house about 30 minutes later my contractions were 1-3 minutes apart and excruciatingly painful.  Getting our bags packed seemed so slow-going with my need to stop everything with each contraction.  I don’t remember much about the drive but that Michael was willing to stop in the middle of the road whenever another contraction came so that we weren’t bumping over potholes as we drove.  My mom followed behind us in Michael’s car so that she would have a way to get back to Cannon as soon as possible.

When we got to the hospital we were greeted warmly and told where to go.  When we got to the doors of labor and delivery there was nobody at the desk and we had to stand in the hallway and wait for what seemed like forever until a cleaning lady saw what was happening and took us through a back hallway.  I wished I could have thanked her but was too focused on getting through the contractions as they inched closer together.  We checked in and were admitted to a triage room where I was checked and said to be dilated to 5cm, 90% effaced and the baby had dropped!  We felt like this was some sort of miracle because when we labored with Cannon he was never able to descend into my birth canal at all.  We were all thrilled, though I had never been in so much pain before in my life.  At this point my contractions were coming rapidly and it was getting hard for me to do anything but breathe while they were present.

Our goal with this labor process was to do things as naturally as was medically recommended until I was dilated to at least a 7, to allow the baby to drop as much as possible.  The problem with Cannon was that he was faced sideways in the birth canal, creating the problem with his dissension.  We felt like the extra medications that I had during my labor with him were a large reason that his descent was nonexistent and led to a c-section.  We knew that the success rate of VBACs (vaginal birth after cesarean) was about 50% and I felt like as long as I did everything that I could to prevent a repeat c-section, I would walk away with confidence no matter the actual outcome. 

As my contractions got more and more intense I could do nothing but breathe and hum loudly to help myself focus.  Most of the contractions were endured standing up in a bear hug position around Michael’s neck, swaying from side to side to try and move the baby down and distribute the pain more evenly.  We tried other positions to try and give Michael some relief from my pulling on him but nothing else was tolerable and I needed his closeness for strength, though I kept thinking of how I must be tiring him so quickly.  I did not have any medication at this point and could feel my body taking the necessary steps to deliver my little girl.  I was checked again and had progressed to 7cm.  This was great progress but still not enough to give in to the overwhelming urge I had to push through my contractions, which were now coming 2 and 3 at a time before any relief.  When the doctor came and checked me a third time I had dilated to 8.5cm and the baby had dropped to a -2 station (-3 is crowning).  At this time I felt that I had endured enough unmedicated pain and that we had accomplished our goal of allowing my body to labor naturally in order to help the baby descend.  When offered the epidural at this point (during a contraction) I did not hesitate to accept it. 

The contractions that followed the acceptance of the medication seemed to be the most brutal because I was no longer mentally committed to enduring the pain.  I was so grateful to have my mom, my doula Angel, and Michael all there to support me.  My mom was soft, respectful and so helpful as she stayed close, kept people updated on our progress, kept tabs on Cannon and got me anything I needed.  Angel was proactive and considerate, giving me options and ideas that would help make me the most comfortable throughout the laboring process.  Michael was my rock.  When I think of labor with this baby I see the dark backs of my eyelids and I feel Michael all around me.  He supported me physically as we rocked through each contraction and he somehow filled all of my senses with the exact love and strength that I was reaching for.  He was my teammate, my helpmeet, and I literally felt that with his touch, he took some of my pain upon himself.

When the anesthesiologist arrived my mom and Angel were asked to leave the room and Michael sat in front of me so that he couldn’t see the needle.  I remembered the epidural process well and was not afraid.  After it was placed, relief was almost immediate and I opened my eyes for what truly felt like the first time since entering that room.  I could breathe!  I could smile!  I even seemed to have a sense of humor!  When my mom and Angel came back into the room their eyes opened like saucers with my change in appearance.  I saw Angel for the first time and was pleased to match her soothing voice with her pretty curly hair.  It was around this time that I was able to notice secondary discomforts.  My stomach was growling and my hair was in my face.  And why did I have socks on still?  Everyone in the room seemed to skip around with the relief the epidural had given.  Michael took off my socks, my mom brought me Jell-o and Angel braided my hair, making me somehow feel beautiful.

Sensing my exhaustion at this point, the nurse told me to rest and I fell asleep for what felt like days.  The doctor returned, woke me, and told us I was ready to push.  With the next contraction I started with conviction, asking for direction and trying to implement it.  I was lucky that the epidural took the pain away but left me able to feel and move enough to get into several different pushing positions.  I was determined.  When the nurses didn’t notice my contractions, I pushed anyway.  I tried to get as many pushes in as possible during each contraction, stopping only when advised to for the baby’s safety.  I was having 2-4 contractions without breaks at this point and was exhausted but felt lucky to have more opportunities to try.  The doctor came in after I had pushed for an hour and told me I had 90 minutes to get the baby out or she was going to recommend a repeat c-section.  I looked at the clock and noted the time.  I felt like this was the motivation I needed to force me to push harder; so I did.  I was focused and somehow didn’t care who was there, how I looked or what I had to do to get her out.  Unfortunately, the Jell-o actually ended up giving me a terrible reflux and I was not able to push without tasting Jell-o flavored stomach acid.  I threw most of it up at some point but the effects never went away, though it did not get in the way of being able to push.

Ninety minutes passed and the doctor came back.  I said a silent prayer that we had progressed.  She looked up at me with disappointment on her face and my heart locked in place.  It was ok.  I had done absolutely everything I could do.  Michael asked the staff and our family to leave and he started to cry.  He had been so strong and had guided me so well; we had done it all together and I knew he was crying for me.  I held him as best I could and tried to transfer my confidence to him so that he could know that I would be all right.  We said a prayer and seemed to decide together that we could face the upcoming surgery with confidence and courage.  Everyone came back in and we prepared for the c-section, this time with a sense of accomplishment rather than despair.

Michael and I both talked to the anesthesiologist and asked him to take special care with my medication since I had not been properly numbed during my previous c-section.  He tested me several times and was amazed at how long I was able to feel his touch and how long I was able to move my legs.  He called in the hospital’s head anesthesiologist for advice.  I am so grateful he was attentive to my needs and my body.  My chest was wrapped in a heated blanket to keep me warm in the cold operating room and Michael came to join me with a smile on his face.  Though seemingly impossible, we enjoyed this time together.  We talked about our baby girl, knowing she would be with us in minutes, no more wondering when.  We joked and smiled and bonded.  The surgery had been going on for some time when I felt a familiar tug and told Michael that she was being pulled out.  I could hardly wait to hear her cry.  It was low and raspy but sweet and strong.  The doctor cut her chord and brought her around the curtain for a quick look before they scrubbed her clean.  We cried and marveled at the few things we had been able to notice in that quick look.  She looked so much like Cannon!  They handed her to Michael and he brought her to my face for kisses.  We were able to hold her for a long time and I felt a bond form that my heart has only known with my own mother.  It was an instant maternal bond with another woman, this one straight from heaven, waiting for my love and guidance.  I knew we would be friends forever.

After she was whisked away, my surgery continued for what seemed like a very long time.  As it turned out, I had badly lacerated my uterus from the intense pushing done in labor and it required major repair on top of the closing of the incisions.  This also caused excessive bleeding, which irritated my internal organs.  Eventually I was taken to a recovery room where I got to actually hold my baby for the first time.  Michael brought her to me and my mom and Angel were able to come see us.  Everyone fell quickly in love with this sweet little spirit, fresh from heaven and with a very soothing aura.

The doctor came and visited with me, letting me know the details of how my surgery had gone to prepare me for a bit of a rough recovery.  She also let me know that if we have a third baby, I needed to just schedule a c-section to keep everyone safe.  

We spent the next several days with our baby girl, getting to know her and introducing her to important people.  Cannon met her just hours after her birth and fell instantly in love with her.  He knew it was his baby “this-ter” and kissed her fuzzy little dark-haired head.  He was weary to come close to me in the hospital because he didn’t like that I was hurt.  The only time he would even touch me was for a goodbye kiss.  In a way it broke my heart, but it showed me what a tender boy he really is.

After meeting our baby we narrowed our list of 20+ names down to 10: Alexis, Aspen, Autumn, Cora, Eliza, Elle, Erin, Robin, Summer and Sutton.  As time went on we eliminated the contenders down to Autumn, Elle, Erin and Summer.  Then eventually landed on either Erin or Elle.  Knowing we wanted to use Louise as her middle name to honor her Great Grandmother Louise Murdock and Great Grandmother Louise Lee we didn’t know what to do.  We both felt that Elle was the right name for her but weren’t sure if we wanted her name to flow like Elouise.  We went back and forth about settling on Erin or maybe calling her Louise Elle and using her middle name but could not feel comfortable with these options.  After much discussion we took a step back and realized that Elouise was a beautiful name and that we didn’t mind if that was how it flowed, as long as her first given name was Elle and that her middle name was Louise. 

Her name flowed easily off of our tongues and we were able to bond with her even further since we had a name to call her by.  I am grateful for a daughter, and for Elle in particular. She has already shown how sweet and peaceful she will be throughout her life.  Our little family is so blessed to have her here.

And here is Dad's version:

Having a baby for a second time is simultaneously more nerve-wracking and more exciting. This time around I knew what I was getting myself into, both the good, and the not so good.

My strong and beautiful Brit decided to courageously bring this baby into the world the way that God intended, naturally. Though that is how it is “supposed” to work, sometimes it’s just not possible, and I’m indeed truly grateful for the skilled and brilliant doctors who have given my family 2 beautiful and healthy children.

Since Brit decided to try for a VBAC, we had the fun/intense task of waiting to see when this little girl of ours wanted to come out. Having expected a similar experience to Cannon, I fully intended this baby to come exactly 1 day after it’s due date. Unfortunately (or fortunately) Brit’s mom had planned her trip with a similar expectation. The waiting game was a fun one but it gave us extra time to spend with our boy Cannon before he permanently shed his “only-child” mantle and took on the role of Big Brother. It was good for Grandma Taufer (aka “gee-ma”) to have this extra time too because Cannon was able to grow very comfortable with her which would prove invaluable during Brit and I’s absence from home over the next week.

Well after a week of waiting past the due date our little girl finally decided it was time to meet her mom, dad and brother. Just like with Cannon, she wanted to deprive her parents of as much sleep as possible by starting labor just as mom laid down to go to bed for the night. Luckily our dear friend (& neighbor) Kori Haring was more than happy to come spend the night at our house and take care of our little boy while mom and dad left for the hospital with Cheryl there for support.

I was downstairs about to start a TV show when Brit called me from bed to inform me that it was time. I was so much more excited this time for everything to happen. I’m certain it was because I was less ignorant as to what was to come. I knew that we were going to have another little Cannon, only this time it would be a baby girl.

We arrived at the hospital, driving 0.03 mph over any speed bumps. Whoever thought it was a good idea to install speed bumps in the hospital parking lot must have never driven a laboring wife over a rough road. Quickly after arrival we knew this was no false alarm and Brit was quickly admitted.

To say I was proud of my Brittany would be the understatement of my lifetime. She was so strong as contraction after contraction hit her like a relentless wave of pain. I could feel her agony in my heart as I watched her cringe and double over as her body did everything it could to force this human being out.

We wanted to do everything we possibly could to deliver this baby naturally and so we decided this time we would avoid pain meds as long as possible and that we’d hire a duela to guide us on this journey. That duela was and angel named Angel. It’s hard to invite a complete stranger to be a part of a memory that will be with you forever. We quickly learned that her presence would be a forever welcome addition to our eternal story of Elle’s birth.

Labor was intense and I wish so bad that there was more I could do to help. I’m so grateful that Angel suggested that Brit lean on me as if we were slow dancing. Being able to be that close to her and to help support her was such a beautiful moment I will always cherish. She was doing great, but there was still a long ways to go. Brit wanted to dilate to a 7 before taking and pain meds, and at an 8 ½ she finally gave in. She kicked her goal’s but and I will never forget that. It took every ounce of strength she had to make it that far. She is truly amazing. Perhaps the funniest part of the delivery was when her pain meds finally kicked in. It was not because she was loopy in any way, but really the opposite, she was finally herself for the first time since getting to the hospital. The nurses and Angel had no idea who this bright eyed, optimistic smiling beauty was. She definitely was not the same person who had been fighting through the pain for the past 3 hours. Needless to say, everyone was happy that Brit was no longer suffering.

Hours went by, Brit finally got to a 10 after getting a little rest in, and it was time to push. The good news was that unlike Cannon, this little girl had actually descended. Not much, but she was at least engaged. Brit pushed for hours. Trying so hard to get the baby out. Fortunately this time her epidural was strong enough to lessen the pain but not so strong that her legs were noodles (with Cannon Brit could not even move her legs due to numbness). This allowed for her to push in varying positions. Thankfully Angel could help coach Brit and give us options to try and make things move along.

Again, slowly and painfully, we realized that we weren’t going to see our baby enter the world naturally. The sting of this realization was infinitely less painful than the first time, really just because we had experienced it before. We asked everyone to leave the room to talk it over and for the first time I broke down. I had seen the strength and the efforts of my wife and I did not want those to be in vain. Her efforts proved to us that we had done everything and with a calm resolve she knew it was time to see our baby. Her growth in this moment from 2 years ago is indescribable and I knew in that moment that this was going to be the greatest mother this little girl could ever ask for.

We had voiced our concern about repeating a traumatic c-section like we experienced with Cannon and I’m so glad we had said something. Everyone was extra cautious to make sure that Brit was comfortable and that she was ready for each of the steps for this massive surgery. Brit was amazing, stunning, beautiful, strong and just glowing as she calmly waited to hear the first cries of our baby girl.

I sat as close as possible to Brit and while holding her head/shoulder we heard together our little baby take her first breadth. I peeked around to see the most precious little baby girl. I could instantly see she looked exactly like her brother when he was a baby and she had beautiful dark hair. Her skin was so dark compared to Cannon and luckily her head wasn’t as temporarily deformed from attempted delivery like Cannon’s had been. When Cannon came out all I could see was Kim, Brit’s dad. When our second child was born all I could see was our first. It was a beautiful thing to see our children share so much so early.

We held and kissed our baby close and this time we understood what it all meant. We could imagine her first steps, her first words, the happiness and the struggles that awaited our now larger family. In that moment I could not be more excited nor could I have felt more blessed. I’m so grateful to God and His plan that allows us not only to create such beautiful life, but also to be able to be connected for forever.

Like with Cannon we wanted to wait until we had met her to name her. We knew we wanted to use Louise as her middle name to name her after her two amazing Great Grandmothers; Great Grandma Murdock and Great Grandma Lee. We had a list of about 20 names for her first given name to choose from. We quickly narrowed it down to about 8, some of the finalists were Sutton, Autumn, Alexis, Blake and a few others. Finally it came down to Erin and Elle. Of course we chose Elle and I’m so glad we did. It is a beautiful and tender name. She has been the most amazing baby and such a delight.

That night Cannon came to meet  his little sister and he could not have been more amazing. He was tender and soft and quickly recognized that this was the “baby th-Isth-Ter” we had been telling him about. He gave her a gently rub on her head and then leaned in to kiss her. It was beautiful and the beginning of an amazing relationship that I am excited to see every step of.

Brit had an almost palpable bond to this little girl that I did not see as much with Cannon. I could tell that Brit and Elle had a special bond that I can only imagine will be comparable to the unmatched strength of Brit’s bond to her mother. Cheryl was such a great support and I’m glad she was there for her daughter.

Anyone with children knows that words can’t describe the joy I experienced watching this girl come to this earth. I love her so much already and she barely knows I exist. I hope I can be the best dad possible and raise this girl to be a beautiful woman just like her mom. I thank the Lord for this beautiful gift of life and for a wonderful wife who was so courageous in bringing Elle Louise Murdock to be a part of this little Murdock family.